The cold, brisk wind battered my face as I rode my bicycle against the wind. The winter is so beautiful, but it's get annoying when your car is stuck under a foot an a half of snow and it can't move. At least it's not too deep. Anymore more snow and I would be stuck in my house for days until I can go out and get my supplies. I needed these things badly. I had to wait until my parents left before I could go out, get them, and return with enough time to enjoy them.
I double check the garage door as I approached. It was closed. That’s a good sign. I slowed my bike down and carefully wheel through the slippery driveway my father and I just shoveled this morning. I gazed at the snow on our two story house and wheeled my bike to the side of my house. I unlocked the gate and wheeled it through and left it there as I took my shopping bag into the empty house. My brother and sister where both gone at their friends and my parents were gone shopping. They should be gone for at least another hour. I entered through the kitchen door in the back of the house. The kitchen smelt of recently cooked pumpkin pie that was sitting on the sink. I wasn't hungry and had little interest in it anyways. My concern was on the bag. I entered into the spotless living room and hurried up the stairs.
My brother's room was closed and had a stop sign hung on the door. He never elaborate on how he got it, but he assured me it wasn't by illegal means. My sister's room, on the other hand, was wide open and messy. She's always out doing something or on the computer talking to friends. I passed the room and enter my room at the very end of the hall, next to my sister's and parents room. I entered and threw my bag on to my bed, locked the door, and quickly peered out the window. No one was home. It was safe. I turned my attention on the bag and it's contents as I removed my jacket, beanie and gloves. I tossed them onto the floor carelessly, slowly approached and removed from the bag what was my only vice for the last five years. The light blue packaging displayed the name of the brand and the product itself. Just by looking at it, I felt like the world was slowly vanishing. All the teasing and the pressure was slowly drifting off into non-existence just by looking at the package. I carefully opened the package and pulled it out. In my hands was all the comfort and security I desired. With it, nothing could hurt me. I held a thick, white adult diaper.
At first, someone might think, "Why is a diaper so comforting to you? Isn't that for kids?". I would understand and agree. While it is strange, it helps me return to a time before the world turn cold. It relaxes my mind and assures me that no matter what, the world is not always as cruel as it seems. I felt better just by holding it. I couldn't get it on fast enough. I hid the remaining diapers under my bed and unfolded the one in my hand. I laid it on the bed and removed my pants and underwear. I sat down onto the diaper and could feel the soft padding caressing my skin. I stretched out the back of the diaper and pulled the front over my exposed body. I lifted my t-shirt to my chest so it wouldn't get in the way. I pulled the left side of the back of my diaper up over the front and fastened the bottom tape first. I repeated the process on my right side and then pulled the top tapes on both sides into place. I could feel the snug diaper against my body. I quickly got under the covers of my bed and lied there for a short period of time. I just wanted to spend a few short moment with the dry diaper on.
Another facet of my vice is my urge to use the diaper. Now, many people would already be surprised that I wanted to wear a diaper, but all would just be floored by my choice to use it for it's purpose. Why? I don't know why. It's so hard to explain, I can't even figure it out. I don't even care right now. I let my brain go as I felt my bodily fluids exit my body onto me. The warmth does me in and I feel the world is all gone. Nothing is here except me in my diaper. For thirty minutes, I lied there alone. I decided that was enough for today and I got up from my bed and removed the soiled diaper.
I jumped onto the couch and grasped the remote into my hand. The soiled diaper was hidden in the trash can outside under the kitchen trash bag. Nobody ever checks the garbage, so I'm safe. I switch on the TV to a movie I've seen before, but I don't pay attention to it. My mind it thinking about my reasons. Why do I wear a diaper? What are the reasons behind it. Up until this year, I haven't had the slightest idea, but this year in my psychology class, I learned about the human mind and Professor Fraud. His research made me think about the satisfaction I get from wearing diapers.
Could it be sexual? I did have an erection, but I didn't pay any attention to it. I guess it was just reacting to my mind and how it felt. Could it have something to do with my personal life? Not really. I get along very well with my family and have no problems with anyone close. What about my social life? I felt maybe the kids were what drove me to this desire. I remembered how my first day of school was. It wasn't like anything my parents or my brother had explained to me. It was bad. My social status hasn't improved much since than, either.
My parent were always concerned about that, too. I remember them talking with my teachers and my social interaction with other kids. My teachers were adamant on figuring out what was going wrong, but I already knew the problem. They wouldn't understand, though. The kids could sense my weakness and my difference and they feasted their growing cruelty by praying on me. It all started with that one girl, Samantha Walters. She was the catalyst to which the other children were guided along the path. Every joke was the same, whether it was my curly hair, my tendencies to be alone all the time and my passion from music.
I remember when I picked up the clarinet. I enjoyed hours of playing that instrument, but the kids saw it as activity for wussies and believed only in sports and acceptance to their inner circles, to which I was cast away from. All because I didn't want to try. I saw no reason. They were cruel and I didn't want to associate with them. Why change myself so they would accept me. It made no sense, even at my age. My train of though was soon broken by a loud bang. I turned my head to the door. My dad's head peered in and looked for me. "Hey, Bri. Could you go upstairs for about a half hour?" He said enthusiastically
"Sure, Dad." I responded rather quickly and headed back upstairs. I didn't want to know what I got for Christmas because I liked to be surprised. I entered my room, closed the door and went on my computer for the rest of the night.
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