The loud distorted guitars and pounding drums blocked out all thoughts in my mind. We've practiced so much, my finger move along the fret board like instinct. The words that I wrote on the paper come out of my mouth and into the microphone without any hesitation or missed lyric. I could feel all the anger that swelled up inside leave my body in my guttural yell. We finish the song with a bang and we let silence fill the room for a second. Before I can say anything, I hear the door open from behind me. I turn to see my younger sister standing with a frustrated expression plastered over her normally pretty face. "Why can't you guys practice in the garage like normal bands?" She growls at us.
"What? Mom and Dad don't mind." I point out
"That because they are at the end of the hall with the door closed."
"Whatever. Just get your beauty sleep."
"Fuck you!" She mumbles it low enough so that I and the others could hear, but not for our parents to hear. She walks into her room next door and slams the door shut. My brother moved out four months ago and my parents let me use his old room as a practice room for my band, The Abominations. I turn to my bass player and drummer who have shocked looks on their faces. "Dude," Adam, gently muting his bass, starts shaking his head, "Your sister is hot when she is mad."
"Yeah, I never thought of that. Maybe because she is my sister!"
"Do you guys think that was a good run through?" Stan, our drummer, asked.
"Maybe we should do "Mexican Watchtower" one more time? I kind of messed up my solo." I admitted. "I slipped up toward the middle, but picked it up toward the end."
"Yeah, I heard that. Maybe we should do "Start Running" again. I got an idea for what to do in that break after the second chorus."
"How does it go?"
"Something like this." He lifts his sticks and starts a pattern between his floor tom and the snare with a couple hits of the cymbals. I've been doing this awhile, but a cymbal crash still makes me cringe whenever I hear it. He ends it and looks at Adam and I for approval. "It sounds cool" Adam states
"Yeah, do you want to take it at the second verse to try it?" I asked them both
"Sure." They both agreed.
11:00 rolls around as Adam leaves for his home. He says goodbye and heads out to his truck. Stan makes himself comfortable on the couch while I grabbed a glass of water. All that singing really makes me thirsty. I set the glass down and leaped onto the couch next to him as he set the TV on a cartoon show for adults. "So, what are we playing for the talent show?" He asked.
"I don't know. We only got six songs, but they are all good songs. What do you like?"
"Maybe "Start Running". I like what you do for the chorus."
"Alright, we'll practice it next time and have it ready for the talent show."
"What about Adam's vote?"
"Ah, he won't care. Besides, I think he would go for that one, too."
"So, I heard you and Mandy broke up."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Seriously, why did you guys break up?"
"She thought I wasn't serious enough. I was always making jokes and stuff."
"Yeah, I know the feeling. Tiffany thought the same about me."
"Tiffany was cute though. I would've straighten up for her."
"Yeah, but she was all hardcore Asian. She was, like, ultra proud of her heritage and she thought I was too white washed."
"What, being yellow is good enough? You have to talk like the loudspeaker at the Tai Hut drive through?"
"I guess so," he chuckled. A short pause occurred, "But, seriously, is that all?"
"Is what all?"
"Mandy. She broke up with you because you told a lot of jokes about stuff?"
"That’s the main thing."
"What else?"
"She thought I was keeping secrets from her."
"Were you?"
"No." I thought for a second about what I had hidden under my bed and wondered if she ever knew.
“She was paranoid.”
“Yeah, but I don’t blame her. Her last two boyfriends cheated on her, and I don’t mean kissing and hugging, I mean full on cheating.”
“Did you two… you know?” He looked at me with a curious expression.
“No. She and I weren’t that interested in that.”
“Damn. Not interested in sex? What else is there in a high school romance?”
“Whatever it was, it’s gone now.”
“So, you wouldn’t want to make up with her.”
“I guess us breaking up was the only option. She could continue trying to make me act serious and let herself fully into my life and I’ll just keep pushing her away.”
“So you don’t love her?”
“Nope.”
“Damn, that’s cold.”
“Whatever.”
We continued on about Graduation and what we were going to do after High School. I had enough money from my job at the movie theatre that I could move out and survive for a while. I got a few scholarships for schools and I was going to pay the rest in loans, but I wondered if I had enough to keep my head above water. I've only worked there for the past 3 months and only had almost $3000 saved up. I was hoping to get some kind of a pay raise, but no luck. I was pondering the idea of staying home for another year while going to school, then moving out, which seemed like the more reasonable solution.
Then there’s my secret. I've been lucky to hide my diaper fetish from my family for this long. Would I be pushing it with another year? When I thought about it, I figured I had no choice. I would either be risk drowning in the real world versus the shame I would feel if my parents found out about my secret. I had to do the most reasonable choice, because I had no choice in the end.
Stan left and I went upstairs to go to bed. My sister was still up on her computer when I past her room. I went into my room and heard my dad snoring through his door. It made me think of how my mom could put up with my bands music so easily. I went into my room, closed and locked the door, and put myself into a diaper. I've been doing this for a while now. It hasn't changed anything and sometimes I'm afraid it could. I try to take it slow, though. I went onto my computer and went into my diaper website. I actually have some close friends I met on the internet. It was nice to be able to talk to someone about wearing diapers and such. One thing I wanted more then friendship was someone to be intimate with and wasn't confused or put off by diapers. It was understandable if they were. I've had three serious girlfriends the past 4 years of high school and not a single one knew about my secret. I was persecuted enough when I was little and I just barely got over it. I didn't need it to start all over again. That was the last thing I wanted. I opened my account and saw no new messages. Then I turned my attention to a girl I've been secretly admiring for the past month and a half. I've haven't talked to her for several reasons. One of which was I didn't know if she was real and I didn't want to ruin my fantasy. So many fake people on the internet, it makes connecting with people this way harder. I just stared at her photo and admired her beauty. Her red hair was so full and her blue eyes were the most beautiful shade of blue I have ever seen. God, I feel so alone
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