I then realized I was in my kindergarten class room. It was more animated then I remembered, almost like something out of Tim Burton film. Above the sink, the windows were clear and showed an array of different flouting dark colors that were in place of the playground that used to be there in my view. The colors moved so fast, it was almost nauseating. The bookshelves were empty with the exception of one book. It laid flat on it's side and was cover in dust, almost like it hasn't been touched for decades. I grasped it in my hands, feeling the dust grind against my fingers, and blow away the build up. The cover was a dark shade of blue and held a picture of a boy that was too fuzzy to make out.
I walked through the vacant room and heard the sound of someone crying. It was a child, what sounded like a little boy. The weeping was muffled, but loud and audible. I looked beyond the bookshelves and saw a little child crying in the corner, next to the bathroom. His face was covered, blocking it from the world. His hair was dark and scuffed. His knees were to his chest, showing a large cut against his left leg. It looked like he fell.
"Hello?" I said in a calm, assuring voice. The boy didn't look up. I walked closer to him and spoke louder. "Hello?", I said. Again, he made no movements, but kept crying. I was now in front of him. My body knelt down as I put my hand on his shoulder. "Hey, it's okay, kid." My voice was as soft and reassuring as it could get. Suddenly, his face popped up. The tears that laid upon this face were mine. The face was mine. "Please stop laughing at me." He said to me. His voice sounded as if he was crying for ages. From behind me, a little girl began to laugh. I turned to see a small brunette laughing at the crying boy. "Ha ha, little cry baby!" Her face was smug and pale. "Ha ha ha ha", She ranted him. I was confused as what to say to this bossy, little devil child. Finally, I had enough. "Leave him alone!" I said with a fierce anger about my voice. The little girl turn to me with an upset expression, as if she was rudely interrupted while doing something important. "Look, it's an even bigger baby!" She said with a growl.
"Who do you think you are?"
"Who do you think you are, you big baby?"
"I'M NOT A BABY! STOP SAYING THAT!" I shouted.
"Then why are you wearing a diaper?" My head looked down to show I had no clothes on anymore. My body was naked with exception of a white, fluffy disposable diaper. In my mouth was a pacifier that wasn't there before. I looked up at little girl, who was now pointing and laughing even harder. "Big baby, big baby!" She said in a chanting voice. "Stop it!" I commanded, still sucking on the pacifier.
"Big baby, big baby!"
"Please stop.", I cried as I grew into tears.
"You're just a big baby!"
"Leave him alone." A voice came out from behind her. A woman, standing shorter then me, came by my side. She had red hair and lovely blue eyes that were covered by glasses. "Go away and never come back." She commanded in a stern voice. The little girl slowly vanished into the air as did the younger version of me. The wall and everything in the room then began to melt. Everything was becoming goopy and sliding off the wall, like ice in the hot sun. The red haired women took my hand and guided my to the door, which was the only thing not melting. She opened the door and it led into a solid white room. Behind me the door closed and disappeared. In this room was a white crib and a rocking chair. They were much larger then unusual. Much larger, indeed. I turned to the red haired woman, who was now a giant, standing four times my size. "Come here, my little baby." She said as her soft hands came under my arms. She lifted me up with ease and held me close to her bosom. She cradle me in her arms and sat in the rocking chair, singing soft lullabies to me. The sound of her voice slowly faded and turned into a choir of angels, singing to me. The light grow brighter and more difficult to look at. My eyes closed and I was let myself go limp in her arms. Back and forth, she rocked me. All the stress of the outside world slowly melted with that room now that she was here. Nothing was coming for us or expecting us. No one even cared. It was just me and her, whoever she was. I started to fall asleep and the choir of angels started to fade with laid there, sucking on my pacifier. Nothing mattered anymore. The sense of comfort dominated over all feelings and thoughts. I didn't care anymore.
Suddenly, the warmth of the room go cold. My eyes opened to see the room went black with darkness. The woman was holding on to me for dear life, but something was pulling on me down. She cried when her grip finally lost control and I was falling into the darkness. "No!", she yelled as I fell down into nothing. I was free falling through darkness and realized I was no longer in a diaper and sucking on a pacifier. I was in my normal street clothes. I felt the wind pass by my ears as it drowned out the woman's cries. I kept falling and I couldn't see bottom. It just saw darkness. I couldn't even see the woman anymore, whoever she was.
Finally, I hit bottom, but I didn't feel any pain. It was, instead, a strange tingly sensation in my arms. They went away when I moved my arms, but when they stood still, the tingly sensation returned. It wasn't a matter of how much it hurt, but how annoying it was. I looked around and saw nothing but blackness. "Hello?" I shouted. The echo of my voice reverberant and nothing moved. Suddenly, a light came on and surrounded me, like a spotlight. I looked up and saw nothing but a bright light. My eye closed themselves and I opened them to see a large, golden gate. My clothes, yet again, changed. I was now in some kind of 18th century peasant clothes. It was strange, but I didn't stop to take it all in. It walked over to the gate and opened it to reveal a long, blue road, laced with bushes and trees. It looked like a rejected version of Alice and Wonderland. I started walking and realized that my arms still hurt. I moved them to keep the pain away, put they got tired quickly. "Need help?" A voice called out. I looked up into the trees to see an Asian man wearing peasant clothes much like mine and a boulder hat. In his hands he held a drum and a pair of drum sticks. I stared at his face and realized who it was. "Stan?"
"Hello, Brian. Miss me?"
"What are you doing here?"
"I don't know, it's you dream."
"I'm dreaming?"
"Can you think of any other possible explanation to why you are seeing all this crazy shit?"
"Good point."
"Do you need help?"
"My arms are hurting."
"Is that why you are shaking them?"
"Moving them makes the pain go away."
"How about this?" He jumped down from the tree and reached into a nearby bush. He pulled out an acoustic guitar. It was ratty and old, but looked sturdy. "Here." He handed it to me. I held the guitar and pulled the strap over my head. My fingers formed a chord and I began to strum. The pain disappeared almost instantly. I watched as Stan pulled his drum strap tight and began hitting along with my guitar strumming. It was almost like we were one with our playing. We moved along the blue path, playing our music for whatever ears that hid in the trees and bushes. We marched and played like never before. My smile grew larger with every strum and every beat. Our actions were in unison and our minds were combined as every note and hit came to us together. We were one as we were before. Friends again.
Ahead in the path a figure formed. Two to be exact. A person, most likely a female, was sitting next to a large brown object. As were grew closer, the image came into focus. She was wearing an old, tattered dress and had dirty, blonde hair. Her face looked as she hadn't washed in weeks. We marched next to her and she finally took notice of our presence, looking up at us with her scorn eyes. "Hello." I said to her unknown face.
"Hello, who are you?" She replied.
"I'm Brian and this is Stan. Who are you?"
"I don't have a name."
"No name?"
"No. I think I lost it."
"What do you have?"
"I have this." She put her hand on the object, which was a large upright bass.
"Would you like to play with us?" Stan asked
"Sure." She stood up and picked up her bass. Without even counting, we all started playing together. Though no one was around to hear the music being played, we could hear it, and that was fine. Stan's drumming laid the foundation for which my guitar would follow. The unnamed girl bobbed and weaved with her bass, creating a seductive sound for the world that wasn't listening, and we didn't care. Our music was making us feel complete and whole and we didn't care what the world thought.
Our music was interrupted by clouds. They began to form and swelled over the sky, taking away all sun's light. Rain came down as we scattered to cover. Finding none, we continued to run along the path, finding nothing but open trees. The storm got worse as we ran, pouring down harder and harder. All hope for a dry place to get under seemed dim like the sky, but we soon find something. A ramshackle, old house with a lit illuminating from the open window. We collectively saw it and charged for it's door, hoping we could stay inside. The door was closer and closer to our grasp. We could almost taste the warmth. Finally, the doorknob was in my hand. It turned with my hand and opened the door, revealing a bright light. It was so bright, I couldn't see. My hands covered my eyes as they closed themselves instinctively. Darkness behind my eyelids cushioned my eyes from the harmful light, but soon open again. I stared at the light peeking through the window. My head laid back against the pillow and adjusted to my dark room. My body jerked up out of the bed with a cold sweat all over me. The light poked through the window next to my bed onto where my face was laying. I looked at my arm. It had marks on it, most likely from me sleeping on it. I looked around my room with the mindset that I've never been here before. It was all so strange and unfamiliar, but slowly I remembered that I lived here. All the previous events in my life came back and I knew everything I needed to know. With this sudden realization of my current situation, I uttered the only words I could say, "That was the trippiest dream I have ever had.".
I got out of bed and changed my diaper. It was soaked to the point where you couldn't even see any white on it. I didn't even want to use wipes. I went straight for the shower, cleaning all over my body like it was a long time since I did it. I felt dirty for some reason, like I was uncomfortable in my own skin. It was definitely a strange feeling, but I shrugged it off. I dried my body off and diapered myself, taking it slow because I felt like it.
I walked over to my couch and planted my freshly diapered behind onto the couch. My hand searched for the remote to my side. I felt the cold plastic of the old remote as I grasped it and turned on the television. My mind, in this situation, quickly analyzed my dream. The kindergarten part was nothing new. I've had this dream before, but what came after was completely new. The red haired girl was the girl from my Diaper Buddies website. She was the one my mind was obsessed over for a long time. The part of her caressing my like a baby was certainly bizarre, as I have never had a fantasy or dream like that before. The most interesting part, however, was Stan. Why did I dream of Stan? Is that important to me. Of course, he's my best friend. I left him when we needed each other, now I want to make things alright. I think this was my subconscious trying to tell me something. I need to call Stan and get this band back together. This was what I wanted. I needed this. This was what the dream meant. I need to do this because it is the only thing I know how to do.
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